I Hate Mother's Day
Posted: Monday, May 08, 2006
by lwheelr
Firelight Web Studio
I hate Mother's Day. I really do.
I mean, I like the idea of Mother's D
I remember my first real Mother's Day. I was about seven months pregnant, and when they asked the mothers to stand at church so they could hand out a carnation, I stood up proudly. The first time I'd ever been able to do that!
The kids came fast, and when they were little, Mother's Day was good. My husband always made dinner that day (he helped other days too, but on Mother's Day I was not allowed to help), and the kids always treated me like someone special.
By the time the older kids became teenagers Mother's Day was starting to feel less joyful. We always attended church, and the talks that day were always people talking about how great their Moms were. They extolled them like they never did a wrong thing in their lives. And they talked about all the things Moms do - keeping up the house, cooking the meals, doing the laundry, making the lunches, etc. I didn't do some of those things!
I taught the kids to do laundry as they became old enough to take on responsibility for their own messes. They ate school lunches until they came home to homeschool, and then the older kids were capable of fixing lunches for themselves. And I am a terrible housekeeper! I try not to be, but there are just so many other interesting things to do, and vacuuming is so uninteresting! I also work a business from the home, so balancing time is always difficult. I am short tempered, distractable, and I have such a hard time trying to be even close to the person I want to be, and Mother's Day started to make me feel all of those inadequacies. Even when the Mother's Day speakers talked of things that I do accomplish, it seemed I never did them as well as the person they were talking about.
So the last few years, Mother's Day has become nothing but a huge guilt trip. The last one ended in a depressive fit of tears. I had lost a baby just two months previous, and the thought impressed itself upon my mind that the Lord had taken her away because I was not a good enough mother! Absurd, I know, but Mother's Day does that to me.
Somehow all that comparison with paragons whose families idolize them, can never compare to reality! I am a flawed being. I know in my heart that I am not a bad mother. I have raised two children who have left home and are self-supporting, productive members of society. I have five more children still at home, none of whom are damaged or harmed by my style of parenting. I have cared for one child with leukemia, and managed some rather intense in-home medical care with just the assistance of my older children. My children are respected in the community as intelligent and hard working kids, and they always have more paying jobs than they can schedule in.
I know I cannot be the only mother hit with the "Mother's Day Guilt Trip". I'd like to tell all the mothers who have been victims of that particular burden to take heart!
You don't have to be perfect to be loved. And parenting is not a matter of following a specific set of rules, it is a matter of finding the best solutions to the situations your family experiences, and surviving when you can't find a solution. Each family is different, and each mother is different. You are free to find your own style of mothering, and to find enjoyment in it. No one else has the right to belittle you or make you feel inadequate just because you don't mother in the same way they do!
My children love me. Even when they are not happy with me, they still love me. And that is enough.
Written by Laura Wheeler, Mom to Eight, and Owner of about 25 different informational websites, including Parenting With Joy - http://www.joyfulparenthood.com/ . Laura homeschools, operates a home business, and has been a contented wife to husband Kevin for over 22 years. Laura is a respected shoestring startup expert, and specializes in building cost effective websites for new businesses on a tight budget.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Gosh Laura, now I feel guilty about never having a Mother's Day Guilt Trip! I'm really pleased to say I've never looked at it in that way :-) Take a deep breath and enjoy next year's, take advantage of the one day we have!
Mother's day sucks. I'm not a mother, don't like brats and the mothers I know are lousy people with lousy kids. They don't deserve respect. Druggies with ill-behaved brats don't deserve a day.
I also hate mother's day. I have been told for years what a imperfect mother I am. My husband says my kids are losy because of me and I am worthless and I don't do anything right. My kids always tell me how bad their lives are because of me. Than on mother's day I listen to how wonderful everyone elses mother is and how much they love them and respect them. I know my family doesn't think that way about me. And I have to smile and take their card knowing they are doing it because they feel that is what they are supposed to do. But they will all treat me the same way tomorrow.
I thought as a mother I should put my family first. Support my husband, make sure my children had the best I could offer. To always and I mean always put their needs and WANTS FIRST!!!! It's a crying shame that I've never receive the same kindness. It really hurts! It's not one day out of a whole year that matters it's the other 364 days that really count.
I have come to hate mothers day to. My mom turned her back while step dad slipped into my bedroom for years. I feel she was going to do to not loose hubby #4. I was so depressed and brain dead through most of my kids live I feel I too let them down in big ways. Now I am a glorified babysitter for one of my kids just so I can see them, the other doesnt talk to me.. Dont tell how perfect all mothers are I know we also suck,,,,, is it monday yet
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